My Second Love...

I remember when I was 9 years old studying at grade 5 in lansuan district, I met a guy whose name was Charkrit studying at grade 6…Fortunately I still remember his face with dark tall and handsome, oh yeah tell me about that;-)…I didn’t know what he was thinking about me at all but whenever he saw me, he was always teasing and playing with me and you know what, I felt it was not like boy teasing boy but boy teasing girl instead…No No No, it was not my imagination but it was real…I think I knew I have been gay since I was 5 after holding hand with Mr. Sampan ;-) and I think my gay action has been shown to people that I was gay in a way.


There were only 3 pictures in my mind that I could remember…Firstly, he tried to tickle me on my waist or something when we were on playground at school and I tried to do the same to him. So we would like playing sneak and hide for each other. He was so masculine guy and whenever I touched any part of his body…oi…oi…oi…melt down…melt down;-) and that was one of the lovely moment of my life as I felt like a girl, I mean a real very young girl;-) that a masculine guy like him was playing this to me, oh dear;-)

Secondly, he was saying something to me teasingly about something as usual. I think I am sure he liked me in a way but I didn’t know what way it was but what I was pretty sure that he did care about me, otherwise he wouldn’t do teasing and flirting to me like this at all, to be honest and the vital part was he didn’t say anything bad to me at all like a fag or a sissy or a queen as I could remember (or he did but I couldn’t just remember it…Nope he wouldn’t!!! I think it’s sort of a nice & straight gentleman who was open to gay people in a way and I felt so lucky that he was my gentleman on that moment, indeed.

Thirdly, when I was studying mathematics in a classroom…so bloody boring and not such a gay thing at all, to be honest;-)…I just thought about him and wondered what he was doing now and that was it…

Oh, Charkrit…I always miss you…

My First Love...

The first time I felt for a guy right back when I was 7 years old…dah dah dah;-)… I couldn’t believe myself that I could still remember his name whom he was Mr. Sampan ;-) I thought he was so cute at that time, oh yeah and hey, do believe in my taste, darl ;-)…He wasn’t born in Langsuan district but moved here for a year, I think because his dad was a public servant, so his family had been moving from place to place…I couldn’t remember everything about him but there were only two incidents and moments that I could…and so thankful to my memory, indeed…

















Firstly and the utmost important moment I could remember that we were holding hands for each other to go to canteen where it was quite far from our classroom and what I could remember that my heart was so bloody beating out loud (but inside quietly and unstably ;-) and I felt sooooo shy, indeed but at the end of the day I could manage myself holding his hand…masi;-)…I wasn’t quite sure how I could manage myself getting to canteen with all my nerve and fantastic feeling finally, oh dear!!!... I don’t think he did think anything at all ( or he might???) only friendship but for my sake, I did obviously with all my tiny heart beating up and down and round and about unfortunately;-)…Was it typical that two very cute 7 years old boys holding hand for each other ;-p???...That was the first time at all in my life that I bloody felt melt down for a guy. Thanks heaps to myself that picture has still been in my mind...

Secondly, I could remember that I went to see him at his house and that was it…Nothing was going on but there was only one picture in my mind that I was biking in front of his house and that was all…

I am wondering how he has been now…my first love;-)

Memoirs of My childhood Love...

The Boresome and The Brokeback Mountain...

I do consider myself a kind of guy who gets bored easily and I don’t want to know the reason why because it just happens and it is sort of typical in a way, I reckon...The latest thing I am getting bored is Facebook…All of the sudden, I don’t feel like to write, to communicate, to joke around and to be bitchy in a way after all and at the same time I don’t just fancy letting people to know what I am doing and thinking every single day anymore but I still fancy writing stuffs on my blog. ( one day I might disappear from the blog, I am telling ya;-)…Is that weird?...Yes, I am weird in a way, I reckon myself and by being told from others ;-)but hey, people are weird sometimes, right ;-)…I think I do things depending on how I feel and obviously my feeling leads me all the way…I am a feeling person by the way…

If I fancy anything at all, I will do it again and again and again and again till my feeling says “That’s enough” and later on I might do it again or it completely stops right then…For example, I had been going to see Brokeback Mountain for bloody nine consecutive days…Oh my god, I don’t understand how I could have that feeling energy and kept going to see it but hey, movie is absolutely fantastic and it totally fulfilled my desire and imagination all the way….”Oh, the unconditional love between Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist…Hey, Ennis my dear, if u were just being honest with your feeling, then the movie wouldn’t be called Brokeback Mountain but Bareback Mountain instead as you and your best mate, Jack, could do barebacking up and down mountain all day and night long and I would be the wind to do blowjob you both ;-)” And after seeing BM for nine times, I haven’t seen it at all since then but I already bought its DVD ;-) And darling I am not talking about five consecutive days for seeing The Love of Siam still as I even called sick to fly because my feeling said I needed to see it again and again…too much to be true;-)

The belief...

I don’t believe in ghost because I never see one at all in my life…Love to see one, indeed but they never show up to me or they choose to be seen by soft and vulnerable people…why???...Do any ghosts have choice by the way!!!
I don’t believe in reincarnation because I think our living being would completely be ended when we die…
I don't believe in heaven and hell because it's just a myth...
I don’t believe in any gods because they never exist but were made up by some old group of people's imagination...Why do all gods happen to be men!!!
I don't believe in fortune teller because they are a hoax...but if they can tell me exactly right when, where and what latest time i wank myself, then i would completely change my belief...
I don't believe in what people saying many times because i will mostly look at their deeds instead...
I don't believe in old people saying about life sometimes because i think i need to experience and challenge it to know what it is like by myself...
I don’t believe in many people because they are bad and fake…

I do believe in many people because they are genuine and nice…
I do believe i can determine my destiny because that's where i am standing now...
I do believe being gay by nature is a nature of being man on this earth...nothing is wrong at all for being gay...it is not just a majority of the population’s sexual preference…that's all...
I do believe Thais, which one of the most previledge people in the whole gay's nation, are more open and accept about people's sexual orientation of being gay than most people in other countries...not by law but by nature...
I do believe in karma because good deeds bring wholesome results and bad deeds produce retribution and this is my life’s motto…
I do believe in my sixth sense because many times it becomes true…
I do believe in my mom and dad because they are my most second loved one…
I do believe in myself because I am my most loved one…

The Foreigner...

Lots of foreigners living in Thailand can’t speak Thai and It is because they think English is a world language and don’t attempt or push themselves to learn foreign language which they become ugly lazy after all. They might think, for example, Thai language is not important for them and of course they have right to think that way. Actually I don’t care whether they will learn Thai or not and it’s not my business at all but I don’t like when they ask us to speak English while we are sitting together and sometimes even there is the only one foreigner on the table and the rest are Thai. We were commented to be rude speaking Thai in front of them and even they don’t say it out loud but their reaction has been shown in uncomfortable manner but at the end of the day they denied that they didn’t feel uncomfortable at all??? Yeah, right #%*^/!

Many of them live in Thailand for years and don’t really keen on learning Thai and communicating with local, then they should realize that they are too lazy to learn Thai and understand we are beautiful Thai people speaking Thai in our own country….what other languages will be the best for us to have a conversation, especially gay talk or perhaps they want to hear everything we are talking about….Halo, give us a break!!!…Don’t even dare to comment we are rude after all but if they don’t live in Thailand or even live but cute…..Oh yes…we are definitely rude all the way…..What am I like;-) People ( with less attitude) might percieve this differently but this is based on my point of view plus attitude;-)

Well, If I go to live in any countries at all, I will try to speak and to learn language in where I am living. It’s just my own benefit and makes communication with local people easier in a way and I think lots of people will do the same.

I must say it’s not easy to learn a second language at all, no matter what languages they are and I will give myself 6.5 out of 10 for English capability in speaking, reading, writing and listening. My English always needs to be improved. When people say my English is great or whatever.…I never buy it as I truly know myself best and I don’t understand why lots of people like to give compliment easier for one another over and over. Is that because it feels good or its socializing skills or something? I mean if u don’t really mean it, then shut up…. Sometimes I don’t understand English native speakers speaking in movies,TV shows, news, singing songs…etc…you name it… oh well, many times indeed and I am not talking about difference of accent still. It is hard for me still but I am still keen on learning English every single day, indeed.